Opening Day of Baseball

Luke Voit

Today was opening day of baseball, fellas.  And that, my friends, is like a degenerate’s favorite holiday. And its the start of the summer, undoubtedly the best time of the year. 

Let me set the scene for you.  I had to wake up earlier than usual today since I had to sit in training for work. I’m already pissed that I gotta wake up so fucking early (don’t bother talking to me before I have my coffee) and then I remember….its opening day of baseball today.

I leave my house and the crisp late winter Buffalo weather just feels like it turned to spring overnight. The air just feels different. I get that feeling like I just want to sit on the back patio in the evening with a fat cigar and a refreshing IPA as the sun goes down. Like summertime. In no time, we’ll be swinging the sticks on the golf course and be sitting with a cold beer marveling at the mowed lines of a baseball field in 80 degree weather.

Everyone knows that March is one of the best months of gambling. You got great hockey going on in the late stretch of the season, NBA if you’re into that bullshit and March Madness, which is just the best. Everyone knows that the first day of March Madness is a party. Placing bets, telling people you don’t give a shit about their brackets and playing acey deucey in the bar just to waste time while you get hammered with your friends at a random bar that you rolled into at 11am. But Opening Day of baseball, that’s just as special for gambling. 

You wake up and after months of having to wait it out till 7:00pm to bet during the week, you know that in just a couple hours, Twitter’s gonna be filled with MLB lineups.  Games start at 1, Let’s Go Yanks. Fresh slate on the season. Doesn’t matter if you hung a fifty burger on yourself last year. It’s all clean. Every gambler knows that being fresh and even feels almost as great as winning. This is fresh ON THE YEAR. You’re gonna make money this season on this beautiful, long game. You have 4858 MLB games that you can bet this summer. And we’re starting today, every time slot. We’re gonna start with a win on the Yanks to start the day and just roll through the 3:00 games, 5:00 games and finish with seeing the Sox lose embarrassingly to end the day (oh and there’s hockey and four Sweet Sixteen games tonight).

And my Yankees are gonna win the World Series. I know, I know. Red Sox are the defending champs. Our ace is injured. We didn’t get Manny. We didn’t get Bryce Harper.  Who cares. Aaron Judge is gonna have the season of a lifetime and him and Giancarlo are gonna hit a million bombs to moon. And a 100 win team got better in the offseason.  

First inning of today’s game, Judge and Stanton both get base hits. No strikeouts to start this season, assholes.  Then who else to the plate than today’s DH…the lock for first base (fuck off Greg Bird)…LUUUUUUKKKEEEEE VOITTTTT.  Remember, the fucking beast that we got for free when we shipped that absolute liability Chasen Shreve to St. Louis last season.  And where else does Voit hit Andrew Cashner’s hanging slider…but 428 feet into Monument Park. This guy’s gonna be a huge piece of getting #28. Great to see Gleyber, Miggy Andujar and Gary, who’s in for a huge bounce back year all contribute offensively as well. And to sweeten the deal, the Red Sox got completely shit pumped by the Mariners (who are now 3-0 after their stupid 2 game series in Japan last week at 4am that no one watched) 12-4. And to make it worse for them, their ace Chris Sale got lit up for multiple dingers and was out of the game in the 3rdinning. Hate to see it. Yankees baseball is back and we’re gonna win the World Series. It’s been too long of a time since 2009…it’s our time again, New York. We’re leading the division today all by ourselves and we’re leading the way to that 28thring all  year. Let’s Go Yankees!

Now we get to watch America’s pastime every day for the best part of the year. Enjoy.

 P.S.: Texas Tech +1.5 was the lock of the century today (5 unit win motherfuckers)