It’s that time of the year again, my glass of wine’s poured and tonight we kick off Peter’s journey to find love on The Bachelor. After previously being Hannah Brown’s 2nd runner up on her season of The Bachelorette, which ultimately ended up unsuccessful, Peter’s back but this time it’s his season. Here we go, with a three hour premiere. An unbelievable journey like you’ve never seen before. Take us away, Chris Harrison.
Time to meet the girls that will be fighting for the roses and ultimately, Peter’s heart.
Alexa: Her job is waxing people, seems like she’s going no where.
Hannah Ann: Model from Knoxville, sounds familiar. This girl’s gonna be annoying as hell.
Tammy: MMA girl from Cuse! She seems like a bad ass and actually has a decent job as a real estate agent and flipping houses.
Victoria P: Nurse, she’s cute. The happy dance thing she does coming out of the limo was pretty stupid. Sounds real dumb when she talks.
Kelley: Attorney, seems too smart for the show. Also seems like she could be a bitch. Has a bit of a history with Peter, that could work out well. There’s a spark.
Madison: Daughter of an Auburn basketball coach under Bruce Pearl. Soooo hot. The paper airplane thing was kinda dumb.
Maurissa: Works for plastic surgeon, seems alright. Miss Montana. Of course we need pageant girls. Pinky promise with Peter, how dumb.
Alayah: First girl out of the limo at the Mansion, real pretty. The grandma letter thing is a little weird but it’s not bad compared to the other gimmicks I’m sure we’ll see
Sydney: “Not your typical southern girl”, from Bama, but not every girl from Bama makes bad decisions, nice move throwing shade at Hannah. I like it. Also very pretty.
Sarah: Looks kinda like Carrie Underwood. Didn’t have a ton to say though.
Lauren: Not much to say about her.
Mykenna: What a stupid name. And she’s a fashion blogger, how do you have a job doing that? (As I sit here writing a blog on the Bachelor that like five people are gonna read)
Kelsey: Not much to say about her either
Eunice: Another stupid name, and the angel wings are dumb too. This isn’t a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. But she’s a flight attendant so the job is a great seller on Peter.
Jade: Another flight attendant. Kinda reminds me of a hotter version of Janis in Mean Girls
Megan: The hottest of the three flight attendants
Shiann: Barf bag thing was stupid.
Courtney: SO hot, but her whole thing with taxi-ing in the little toy airplane she’s on, way too over the top and I hope she gets sent home tonight. Peter eats it right up.
Kiarra: I thought the plane thing was bad, getting brought in IN baggage was even worse.
Lexi: This bitch drove into the mansion in a convertible. What the fuck.
Deandra: Of course one of these bitches had to make a windmill joke as she came into the mansion. Thirsty!
Payton: First comment is “four times”. Girls want sex more than guys do.
Jasmine: Of course, there has to be one that does their intro in another language. Lame.
Kylie: Walking in with a strip of condoms. Point proven, girls want sex more than guys do.
Katrina: “You’re gonna fall in love with my hairless pussy…cat”. Oh. My. God.
Victoria F.: “I have a dry sense of humor, but that’s the only thing dry right now” Wow.
Jenna: This bitch came in here with an “emotional support cow”. Its hard to get shocked by these intros at this point but that’s bad.
Savannah: Blindfolding Peter. That’s some kinky shit she’s into. And she kissed him!
Avonlea: Cattle Rancher from Fort Worth, Texas. Real pretty. Stupid name. They love getting southern belles on this show
Natasha: Her voice sounds creepy
After the rest of the girls get to the mansion, a final limo shows up with none other than former Bachelorette, Hannah Brown. WHAT! Respect the roses! Respect the concept of this show. Don’t show up muddying up Peter’s journey to find love just cause your dumb ass picked Jed on your season. You had your chance with Peter and blew it.
Turns out, she’s not here for a second chance at Peter’s heart. She gives him her well wishes and gives him back the pilot wings that he gave her when he walked into the Bachelor Mansion as a contestant on her season to give to his “co-pilot” that he’s looking to find. Cute gesture.
The first girl that Peter talks to one on one is Alayah and they read the letter that her grandma wrote for him together. I’ll admit I thought it was cute and they hit it off well. Next, he talks to Maurissa and doesn’t really hit it off. After that though, Madison and him talk and she has quickly already become my favorite of this season.
Hannah Ann gives Peter a painting she did and the two of them start making out. Tammy then cuffs him up and kisses him. Damnnnn, good for him.
While Peter’s talking to Natasha, Mykenna starts throwing paper airplanes at them. Then Natasha comes and pokes them with the giant one. Drama alreadyyyyy. Mykenna wins that one though and starts making out with him.
These girls that haven’t talked to Peter are spiraling already. Relax.
Kelley, who Peter already met seems to definitely be the front runner. Hannah Ann’s boldness didn’t go unnoticed though and she gets herself the first impression rose from Peter.
First rose ceremony time and obviously no big surprises, cause its only night one. They aren’t gonna waste time showing a ton of coverage of girls that just go home anyway on night one. These are the ones you forget about until they show up in Paradise.
For the first group date of the season, Peter takes a group of the girls to the airplane hanger where he learned to fly. Cute date with some fun activities that Kelley eventually wins for a sunset flight with Peter. Peter and Kelley definitely have a good connection. When Kelley gets back, Tammy bitches at her for “cheating on the obstacle course”, who cares, grow up. Spin zone though, they’re actually at the Four Seasons that Kelley and Peter met at. Kelley gets the group date rose. All the other girls get real pissed about it.
Madison gets the first one on one date of the season. For their one on one they go to Peter’s parents’ house to see them renew their wedding vows randomly when they’ve been married 31 years. Stupid date concept, but I guess we’re meeting the family again earlier than usual. Madison crushes the date though and she’s absolutely my favorite of all of these girls and I hope Peter eventually ends up with her at the end of all this.
“Madison, will you accept this rose?”
The producers of The Bachelor still have a fantastic way of picking great music that I’ve never heard of that still fits the show perfect.
The second group date is put together by Hannah Brown. Why is this girl still here??? Your time on The Bachelor series is OVER. With mascara all over her face, Hannah has a breakdown about how she didn’t know what she was doing picking dumb ass Jed.
“I don’t want to be anybody’s third option”
Then after saying that, Peter asks Hannah if she wants to come back to the mansion. WHAT? Can’t have that happening cause Hannah’s a psychopath. Respect. The. Roses. Let Peter move on and just be The Bachelor with this new set of girls.
To be continued, next week on The Bachelor.