Monday night was the second episode of Hannah’s season of The Bachelorette and I was quite entertained. Here’s my live blog as I watched the episode:
They’re already showing drama at the beginning of the episode preview…Here. We. Goooo.
In the first group date of the season, Hannah takes the guys to do a runway pageant thing along with the help of some drag queens. These drag queens on the group date would creep me THE FUCK out. The guys doing stripper dances in speedos was weird as fuck too but I get that Hannah did it just to make these guys uncomfortable and out of their element. And obviously the producers loved it cause all the main demographic who watches this show ate it right up. I wish they’d do this competition with all the smoke show girls on The Bachelor instead. After the guys go strutting around in speedos, they have to put on a talent show. Talent, something none of these clowns really have. John Paul Jones starts it off for the guys and of course this idiot comes out in unicycle. Most ridiculous thing the producers could think to use as a prop. Then after a few other guys do their schtick, Jed comes in with his guitar and try to cash in on his gimmick again. But all the guys knew they already lost on that competition by then. But then we quickly forget all of that when Luke P., the star of the show decides to tell Hannah “I am falling in love with you”. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It’s only episode 2 and you’ve known this girl for less time than it took my Uber Eats (never felt lazier) to get delivered. Fuck outta here with your “I love you” shit already. Bet you tell every girl at the club that every weekend and then fail to go home with 95% of them. But this dumbass girl just bought all of it and clearly picks him to win “Mr. Right”. We’re gonna have to deal with this clown show for a while, aren’t we? This is gonna be another season of a child being on the show. There’s something Hannah and Colton clearly have in common, they both act like they are still in high school. And then Luke P. starts doing the confessional and saying everything he claims to think about her, he just seems like even more of a psychopath stalker. Jed also seemed to get Hannah to keep liking him more but in a much more genuine manner. I’m glad she gave the group date rose to Jed. I still think his guitar is a gimmick, but at least he’s playing the game the right way not in the high school kid way that Luke P. is.
Tyler G gets the first one on one date of the season. And we’re already starting with helicopter rides. They start off the group date with going ATV’ing. Actually seemed like a lot of fun. This guy seems like such a dweeb though, “like pinch me, is this really happening”. Yeah it is asshole, that’s why you are on the show. And since you talk like a middle aged dad, that’s probably why you’re still single. This kid’s definitely a loser, but he is genuine and here for the right reasons. I could actually see this kid ending up proposing to Hannah at the end of the season.
I think Hannah is definitely a nice good southern gal, but wow this girl is dumb. Like almost too dumb to want to handle.
Cam is already a front runner for the kid on the show I hate the most. His rapping is enough but he’s already whining about not seeing her. Glad he wasn’t on the second group date and hopefully he gets sent home tonight.
For the second group date, Hannah takes the guys to a roller derby rink. I would absolutely skate circles around all these kids. Clearly none of these guys has every played hockey. I get that the skates are weird with 2 rows of wheels but you could definitely still hockey skate with those. And as Hannah said, I’d “exude joy” while showing these kids what a real athlete plays.
Here we go with this Cam kid again while he’s whining that he’s home alone playing the harmonica. He can’t be gone sooner.
Back to the roller derby, I’d be hammering these kids against the boards as they’re trying to skate like Bambi on ice. Afterwards, Hannah gets a little time to talk to the guys individually. I still think Dustin’s gay, the way he talks is so soft. But he gets a kiss so I guess she doesn’t think that. With all these other losers on the show, I almost forgot about Peter the pilot. Seeing him talk with Hannah one on one definitely made me think he’s more real than he seemed on night one and I wouldn’t mind seeing him stick around longer. The kid seemed real enough I guess.
And here we go again with Cam. If you’re not invited to a group date, don’t show up to it, you PSYCHOPATH. I hope Hannah sends this kid home immediately. Every time he says “Always be Cam” it makes me want to punch him in the face. And what a hardo Garrett is starting to try to be. “First night Scott messes up my time with Hannah, now Cam’s here”…like relax “golf pro”, we’ll tuck in our polos and stop crushing beers in the golf cart. Hopefully this kid is gone too tonight. And Hannah seems creeped out with Cam, so he’s probably gone pretty quick. Solid way to start drama on the show with Tyler C. walking out to confront Cam while he’s on the confessional talking to the camera, kinda rooting for this guy to knock Cam out. I still hate Garrett too though.
It wasn’t a big surprise that Hannah chose Dustin to get the group date rose. He at least deserved it more than some of these other idiots.
I like the dress Hannah wears to the cocktail party a lot. Classy and simple but hot. Why is this girl crying already as soon as she has to speak to the whole group?? The drama’s a bit much for no reason. The first guy she talked to during the cocktail party was Connor S. He seems alright but makes me think he’s just saying the right stuff to make himself last longer on the show. The second guy she talks to is Kevin, who gets barged in on by fucking Cam again who decides to bring chicken nuggets to Hannah and gives her dipping sauce in a ring box. What an asshole. Next we get Tyler C, who even though he still seems like a douchebag, seems better than he did while he was a “dancing contractor”. I thought for sure we’d get the ROLL TIDE when he starts talking about football with her but we didn’t. I don’t mind him.
Luke P is back again and Hannah’s for sure gonna bang him before any of the other guys. She’s already taking his clothes off. But no way there’s any real connection with them. At least we don’t have to deal with the Colton being a virgin bullshit with Hannah this season. And then Jed walks in. Awwwkward. Not a good start to him and Hannah with her sitting there apologizing to him for some reason. But he figures out a way to make it keep working with her. Good turn for Jed.
Time for week two’s rose ceremony and I personally am really hoping that both Cam and Garrett are sent back to whatever shitty places those two crawled out of. And not a whole lot of surprises to the boring guys that got sent home, but I hate that she kept Cam around. I can’t stand that kid. Still hope that he’s gone as soon as possible.
After the rose ceremony, as Hannah’s all alone in the confessional talking, Luke P. thinks this is a good time to go talk to her again pulling his high school bullshit. That she is eating right up. At least she tells him that she doesn’t think its all real, cause it’s clearly not. Obviously she’s attracted to him though. She wishes that confessional was a fantasy suite already.
Next week on The Bachelorette we’re going to have some fireworks. I can’t wait. Hopefully some of those fireworks include Cam walking his ass out of the mansion. Already appointment TV on Monday nights!